Now, don’t get me wrong-I know it’s not my place to tell women when they can and can’t have children and how many they can have. I can testify that it’s hard to be childless at 36． 46． {{U}}People ask you all the time if you’re going to start a family-as if you didn’t already know that your biological clock was winding down. {{/U}}What’s worse, they begin lecturing you on fertility options as if to say, "Since it’s clear that you can’t catch a partner, you’d better do this on your own. " I can’t imagine what that feels like when you’re 66． It must be very painful.And trust me, I’m equally aghast when men have children in their 70s and 80s ( SaulBellow was 84 when his fifth child was born). 47．{{U}}I’m just saying that sometimes for the sake of the children-to-be, we may have to put away our longings and grieve for the children we might have had rather than go to the ends of the earth to get them.{{/U}} The death of a parent can cause young children to suffer disproportionately from depression, posttraumatic stress disorder, and drug abuse in their later years, according to studies published in theArchives of Pediatric andAdolescent Medicine and TheAmerican Journal of Psychiatry. I think parents should take that into account when they’re planning a family.And yes, I know I could drop dead tomorrow; life gives no one guarantees.AfterBousada de Lara died, Sarah Vine wrote a commentary for The Times of London, which concluded, "No one thinks more carefully about having a child than the person who, through misfortune, or trauma or simply because they happen to appreciate the work of Judy Garland, cannot do so by natural means. " That may be true, it certainly feels true, but we have to think about the children, not just having them.
As it is, I worry that I’m too old to raise a kiD、I squandered too much of my energy partying in my 20s. I should have had children when I didn’t need sleep and had a much more cavalier attitude about my career. Of course, when I was in my 20s, I had very little patience and even less serf-control, so maybe that time wouldn’t have been any better. There’s never a perfect time for a kid, and I respect that.But just as we worry about teenagers having children, I also worry about kids born to elderly parents.Are they being shortchanged Won’t they miss having grandparents to spoil them Maybe not-there are millions of ways for children to be happy. They don’t have to be part of a traditional nuclear family. Nor does there need to be a mommy and a daddy ; they can have a couple of mommies or just a daddy. 48．{{U}}Just somebody or somebodies to give them a sense of permanent attachment and security- someone to count on when you skin your knee or experience your first heartbreak or do badly on an exam, someone to throw your graduation cap to. {{/U}}Even on the cusp of 40, I speak to my parents almost every day, and I’m as dependent on their help as I ever was. 49．{{U}}There are probably some of you reading this now who think I’m too old to raise a baby into adulthooD、But, I do have actuarial tables on my side.{{/U}}
I have a hunch that cases like that ofBousada de Lara and, of course, Octomom, are going to force fertility clinics to establish more rules about who can use their services and under what circumstances. Just as public outrage brought a uniform set of requirements for people to adopt or contract a surrogate mother, there is already a push to further regulate fertility clinics. 50．{{U}}Like it or not, once we turn to others to facilitate the conception of our families, we become subject to their morals and ethics as well.., and maybe that’s not always a bad thing.{{/U}}